Essentials of Clear Communication: "DO Take this personally"

by Mary Frances Schurtz-Leon ,
Presenter for "Essentials of Clear Communication" October 25th

I recently saw a commercial on television that features a young man talking on his mobile phone via headset, as he is typing on his laptop keyboard, with several different Windows open on his computer screen, while listening to his favorite music playing over the muted image of his favorite football team heading into the end zone.  An older gentleman (his father? grandfather?)  is trying to get his attention… to no avail.  While the obvious goal of this commercial is to sell you a better, more efficient, hi-speed home communications package, the message I received was much more frightening. The young “hero” of this commercial is definitely “connected”, but to WHOM?  Certainly not to the human being sitting just a few feet away from him.

My concern with the lack of skillful interpersonal communication in the world today is not merely a philosophical one.  All business is personal.  Each business has a distinct personality, as much as each individual human being does.  The successful business today is the one whose employees can clearly communicate with customers a corporate personality that the customer can identify with.

Every communication, whether verbal or non-verbal, has a sender and a receiver.  The key question here is “Do you know your receiver?”  There is a reason why we have only one mouth and two ears; so we can listen twice as much as we speak.  People need to feel that they are being heard and understood. 

What message do you want to send your clients/customers?  How can you frame the message so they will respond to it most favorably? Make it personal.  As a person, does your client respond best to visual, auditory or sensory cues?  Does she say things like “LOOKS good to me.” SOUNDS good to me.”, or “FEELS good to me.”

A little tip, when you meet a client for the first time, take a small notebook into the meeting with you and jot down some of his phrases exactly as he expresses them.  When you write your follow-up email, incorporate some of his words into your message verbatim.  He will not recognize them as a quote, but he will get the feeling that you understand him, that you “speak his language” and he will feel comfortable about doing business with you.

When you think of all the ways for miscommunication to occur, it is a wonder that we ever communicate at all.   When we do communicate effectively, it is because we have connected person-to-person.  Technology provides us with wonderful tools to enhance our ability to communicate around the corner and around the globe, instantaneously if we want.  However, it is only a tool.  If you truly want to succeed in business, you must take things personally. 

What do you think?  I would love to hear your ideas on the subject.  Write to me.  I will listen, and…I promise to take what you say personally.