When I look at conflict and the management of it, I think of how it permeates all aspects of my life and how if applied, the principles can help in virtually every environment. I remember one of those beautiful late summer afternoons when I had just finished teaching one of those classes that teachers live for: nothing had gone as planned but everything had gone perfectly. Each situation that went askew had simply created another “teachable moment” to put the very conflict management techniques I was teaching to the test. I felt as if I had finally mastered the skills for myself; I was in control, and all was right with my world.

As I closed the session, I called home to alert my daughters that our schedule was tight and that I would be there within the hour to pick them up for our evening appointment. I gently reiterated what needed to be accomplished so that they would be ready and waiting when I arrived. I had them repeat my instructions and the rationale for them back to me. I had them indicate that they understood that time was critical. I noted that I was getting good at this conflict management stuff: setting clear expectations, communicating needs and reasons, encouraging feedback to ensure understanding.

Fifty-five minutes later I pulled into my driveway to find my younger daughter lathered in suntan oil lounging on a deck chair in her bikini. Her older sister was inside the house, still in her pajamas, instant messaging her friends on the computer. I started to scream like a lunatic: “What are you doing? We have to leave in like five minutes; we are never going to make it on time.”

Suddenly I caught a glimpse of myself in the living room mirror. Who was that raving witch and what had happened to the poised, professional woman in control of her day and her destiny? So much for me and my theories and techniques for conflict management…LIFE had intervened.

I learned that conflict management is a subject that is not meant to be mastered but rather managed within it’s the many changing influences such as diversity, environmental changes, LIFE. We all are very aware of conflict and we have been managing it all our lives. We cannot hope to ever complete the course. The best we can strive for is to pick up a few tools along the way that will help us accept conflict as an inevitable, and maybe something that can even be beneficially harnessed in some circumstances.

Join me for breakfast on April 5, 2007 and we will spend a little time together sharing some insights and some techniques to manage conflict and to often turn it into a positive impact in your environment.